Why?

 

And one that I can admit chasing for most of my life. Which leads me to ask a question... Why?

 

Kind of a circular thing, I know. But years have past where this has been the question. Sure, the ending has changed depending on the circumstances. Why did she do that? Why did he say that? Why did that happen? Why... Why... Why.

 

And for so much of that time I pondered and probed, examining all sides of the issue or argument, soothing myself with plausible answers and beating myself up when coming to the inescapable conclusion that it was all my fault.

 

The problem with that kind of introspection is that it sometimes allows or prevents moving forward. I get stuck in the why and in all facets of the situation and become paralyzed in the process. And God forbid someone suggests that I let it go or move on. Can't you see I am dong something important here!? ... which only adds to the conumdrum.

 

So I analyze, inspect, and dissect until it becomes a dreary bore. And then I here the words of my late beloved friend Jack.

"Stu, Why doesn't matter. It is a stupid question. Why... does... not... matter!"

 

And then I would hear him tell me why why does not matter...

 

"So... you are on the deck of the Titanic. The ship has hit the iceberg and is taking on water fast. You are standing on the deck in front of a life boat. The crew is directing you to get in the boat. But you stand at the rail frozen. And the reason that you will not move is because you need to know why. You need to know why the ship is sinking before you get in the lifeboat. Is that crazy, or what. Why does not matter... just get in the damn boat!"

 

So I chuckle and think back on how many times I have stood at the rails of life, refusing to move forward until I figured out why.  

 

The truth is that that the answer has come to me much later, if at all. There are things that happened early in life remain a mystery, and I may never know why they happened. But this is not a reason to stop living in the present moment.

 

But you can be pretty sure that when I see Jack again, I have a question for him.